be kind to your family, because they too can be fighting a hard battle.

A few weeks ago, I was out with some girlfriends for dinner. We were mulling over the dessert menu; the usual dilemma of which single decadent treat to order to share that plagues females in groups. After several minutes of going back and forth, we settled on something and placed our order with our waitress. This ended up being a longer than necessary process because one of my girlfriends has no filter. Like none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. 

It’s probably her most endearing quality, one that I find refreshing most times, but there are moments where it still catches me surprise. For instance, this waitress was just doing her job of relaying the specials to us; there was some white chocolate macadamia delight and whatever else, and as she was telling us, my girlfriend kept saying things like “Oh, that sounds so gross”. “No, definitely not ordering that” etc. The rest of us kept giving her the stank eye to cool it on the commentary and allow the waitress to finish her list in peace.

When she finally walked away, we all turned on her like vampires on a human (uh oh, the effects of seeing one too many Breaking Dawn commercials) and reminded her that she can’t do stuff like that. The conversation swiftly lead us toward discussing our behaviors with strangers. Many of us agreed, that although silly, we cared a great deal what the random lady on the street would think of us if we passed by without flashing a smile. Or what the man who held the door open for us would think if we didn’t say ‘thank you’. The list went on and my filter-free girlfriend responded with “okay, but are you as nice to your families where it actually does matter”.

I don’t think she meant for it to hit hard but it did. For me at least.

On my drive back home, I considered my reaction. I’m not mean towards my family, in fact we all get along quite well (barring the moments where my mother and I butt heads) but I may not be as kind to them. It’s true that we take out our frustrations on our families because it’s easiest. But when caught up in a bad mood, if I can smile for a stranger, why can’t I smile for my own father? My adverse reaction to her comment wasn’t because of the depth of these actions because, obviously, my feelings for my family and my experience with them isn’t threatened by a passing look to a stranger, but if it’s the little things in life that matter, then it’s precisely those little things that I should focus to change.

Those moments when I’m being a crabass and take it out on my younger brother only to be sickeningly sweet to the telemarketer that calls my cell phone. Or those moments when I’ve had a particularly bad day at work only to come home to avoid all conversation with everyone, even if I made an extra effort to ask the conductor on my train how his day was. Why didn’t I ask my mother that? Moments like these go on, everyday. A few seconds here or there that add up to a lifetime of misguided kindness.

If I can effortlessly muster up a smile when I’m feeling rotten for someone that I will probably never see again, then I can most definitely incorporate these little gestures towards my family and close family-like friends. Here’s to making some little changes that I think will lead to a lifetime of differences.

xo loves.